Now What I Want

It makes me do what I don’t want to do
It makes me feel like I don’t want to feel
Control over myself is out of the question
For it hypnotizes my mind while making the rules
Rational thoughts one day, the next day infestation 
I want to do the unthinkable, but not in a good way
My brain a revving engine, and anxiety the fuel
Chemicals control the speed, but just not the racing
Needing to hurt, often overrules playing it safe
Explaining it, I’m still trying to figure this out
Sometimes I’m happiest, with no music but dancing
Friends, I have very few, but that’s how I like it
All the time for myself, this I don’t like sharing
Covers pulled over my head, it’s my safe haven 
It may all seem odd to you, but it’s the life I’m living